Bianca Naidoo: There isn’t a template on how to deal with loss
“The topic of suicide brings with it an array of emotions, especially since I had been confronted with it on a personal level.”
These are the words of Bianca Naidoo-Makhado, the wife of the late rapper Riky Rick, speaking on this very difficult topic of losing her husband as our country and the world at large observed World Suicide Prevention Day under the theme “Creating Hope Through Action”.
The rapper, real name Richardo Makhado, died last year February and as the family observes 18 months since his passing, Bianca describes the journey as an uphill battle.
The mother of two shares, “I always think about how things could have been slightly easier if one was prepared for certain situations but so much happens in a way that you don’t expect it. Especially if you are extremely close to that person. Riky and I had a very open relationship and we spoke a lot. We were like best friends and it’s not like I didn’t know there were mental health issues. I knew it from the time that I met him which was a few days after he came out of rehab, so I went through a whole 10 years with him knowing this is what it is. I never expected suicide to happen.”
But even with such closeness, Bianca admits that the pain that suicide leaves one with is indescribable and as a mother of two – openness and honesty with her children was the key to navigating their grief together as a family.
“I was honest with the kids from the day I came back from hospital, in telling them what had happened to daddy. A very hard thing to do but I knew that I didn’t want comebacks at a later stage like ‘why didn’t you tell us the truth’. I read his note to them as well, and right up to now, I have really open and honest conversations with my 9 and 14 year old.”
And in a country where suicide is an ever growing pandemic, where on average almost 3 000 people commit suicide daily and for every person who completes a suicide, 20 or more may attempt to end their lives, Bianca advocates for more action to be taken in support of those struggling with mental health issues. A space she hopes their foundation, including their ongoing campaign ‘Stronger’, will eventually be able to play in.
The campaign was launched under the family foundation dubbed Riky Rick Foundation for the Promotion of Artivism, which aims in promoting all things arts. The campaign released an AI generated song dubbed ‘Stronger’, taken from his last words that he tweeted: “I’ll return a stronger man”. The song is also said to be a compilation of all the inspirational words that he had tweeted for the masses, as a way of encouraging them.
Opening up about her journey of healing is another way of aiding to the many conversations that still need to be had, she shares.
“Suicide is a topic that really needs to be spoke about a whole lot more openly and comfortably – especially among us brown people. Where even the older generation doesn’t believe that mental health issues are a real thing. I do think that the narrative needs to change, with more support and more programmes implemented in areas that lack such resources. Like townships etc.”
“I am taking my time to slowly make sense of my new reality without Riky and also figuring out a lot of things. But I do ultimately hope to be more involved in such initiatives, to be more truthful and intentional with everything that I do,” she said.
And how to deal with loss, she shares: “There isn’t a template on how to deal with loss. We each confront it differently, I mean I’ve only started therapy a month ago to deal with the guilt I felt of my children not having their father, while my kids had to start with therapy right away. Grief needs you to deal with it as it comes, but what I know can help in this regard of suicides is if we speak a lot more. Not only acknowledge mental health but couple that acknowledgement with action. Create safe spaces and help those that are struggling,” she said.
Bianca shares that although she will never forget her husband nor the ordeal that has befell them, she hopes to celebrate his legacy by making real impact in society. One project at a time.
